5 Ways Your Positivity Puts Out the Negative “Dumpster Fire” in Your Life
Some days or weeks, we feel as though our life is going wrong on about every level. From career pressure to money challenges, from family drama to the guilt of eating too much comfort food- why does it sometimes feel like our lives are a “dumpster fire” and it’s really hard to feel positive?
While I can’t tell you how to avoid the life challenges that make some days and weeks feel overwhelming and hard, I can provide some ideas to help combat the flare-up of hopelessness that can too easily lead to putting a match to a waiting pile of negativity trash.
Recognize that your worrying, obsessing, and complaining don’t bring any more certainty when life is challenging and there is uncertainty about the future outcome of situations. Of course, some problems require your thoughts to find solutions. Some concern over the outcome of challenges is normal.
But in many situations, it’s healthier to realize when you have no control over the future outcome. Take it from me, a former obsessing pro who always tried to control outcomes of situations beyond my control. No matter how many ways I would try to manipulate or scheme to figure out what my boss was saying behind closed doors, I simply couldn’t know what he was saying until he told me. All of my worry and stress over conversations unheard were pointless. I found out when I found out, and I dealt with it then.
Stop letting others hand you the match to light your negativity fire. Well-meaning (sometimes) friends and family can often add to your feeling of hopelessness and overwhelm by saying things like “You’ll never….”, or “You know what you should do?”. or “If I were you, I’d just …”. Remember that they are not you, and words like “should” and “just” are easy to say by people who aren’t asked to do what comes after them. If you ask a trusted source for advice, listen and take it in. If others offer unsolicited advice, you are totally in line to say, “Thanks, but no thanks”, and keep their “justs” and “shoulds” from providing you more stress.
3. Remember that you’ve had tough times before – and you’ve overcome them. This was very important to me when I was struggling through my most difficult time in life a few years ago. I had to keep prompting myself to remember the really tough things I’d previously overcome to show myself that I can and will overcome these current challenges.
4. View today’s struggle as tomorrow’s progress. It’s so important to realize that today is just today- it’s just one point in time and doesn’t last any more than 24 hours. As one of my favorite fictional characters, Scarlett O’Hara, once said, “After all, tomorrow is another day.” When tomorrow comes, you may find insight to the problem you’re facing, even if just a glimmer of hope for the solution. And how much better you’ll feel then! With each passing day, you can see the progress you’ve made from prior days and feel pride in your triumph over the struggles.
5. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. Yes, I quote Dory from “Finding Nemo” in my inner dialogue when it seems like the giant sharks are about to swallow me. It’s a wonderful mantra to keep yourself of the mindset that forward movement of any kind is going to get you closer to a new day and week when some of today’s challenges will have a resolution. Standing still, you may get a shark bite. But just keep moving forward, and you’ll out-swim those sharp teeth eventually.
Can you see from this shortlist of potentially big mindset shifts that you have the power to prevent your negative outlook and avoid that “dumpster fire” feeling? Comment below if you have any additional tactics to douse your own life’s “dumpster fires”.